The Observer, 5th February, 2006

Life & Health
Introducing Vibrator into Lovemaking
Everything you ever wanted to know about sex, but were too squeamish to ask

'I've discovered my wife uses a vibrator while I'm at work. I have no problem with this; I'd like to introduce it into our lovemaking. But I'd hate to spoil her guilty secret'

Marion McBride writes:

First off, who says it's a guilty secret? Just because your wife didn't want you to know about her vibrator doesn't mean she feels guilty. The only person who should feel even a twinge of guilt is you - for snooping. You've obviously understood the pleasure principal here - it's the private you're having a little trouble with. Women hide things for a reason, even if the plastic in question is usually maxed out and accompanied by impractical footwear, rather than battery operated.

The reason she hasn't sat you down for a show-and-tell could be twofold. First, you're right, it could be a solitary pleasure - her one-woman equivalent of the spa treatment. The other reason could be exactly the same as yours: you might imagine that she's worried she'd be humiliated by your discovery, but perhaps she doesn't want to humiliate you by telling you that she's been taking supplements. Perhaps she's being sensitive, and afraid that it would threaten you to be compared with her Duracell-fuelled friend. Maybe she's worried that you'll think you're not satisfying her. I'll assume this isn't the case.

So why not forget your find and present her with a brand new toy. Take yourself off to an emporium from where these little buzzers can be purchased. I'd say go upmarket (Myla, Coco de Mer, etc) and buy something that you don't mind getting into bed with yourself, something that is, preferably, rechargeable and at the low decibel end of the range. They can be jackhammer noisy and as aesthetically unappealing as Beavis in a beanie hat. They also have an unfortunate tendency to be modelled upon some of the less attractive features of the real thing. Tell her you've always wanted to try one with her - and keep your hands off her private solitary pursuits.

Click here to look at the full range of Myla toys.